My daughter is in cosmotology school. Recently she informed me that the Black students have seen me and know I’m her mother. Suddenly, they’ve been more “protective” of her. Anytime they see a White student messing in her hair - they saunter over to offer advice. Afterall - she has “nap hiding out up under all that good hair.” “They’ll never learn what to do with it!”

So - suddenly - I no longer feel guilty sweating the daily hour and feeling as if I ought to be more greatful to the Gods Of Genetic Roulette.

I didn’t see this, but I know the author so I’m going to strangle her for not tooting her horn on this one.

Thanks for the link.

http://www.brainchildmag.com/essays/fall2007_friedman.asp

Thank you all for your comments. This is a wonderful and much needed discussion. I absolutely understand the need to protect the feminine dynamic, but I found myself more agreeable when the fellas took about an hour off of the bonding process (smile).

I think part of the reason I may have such a protective gut reaction about keeping this as “mine” is because of the passing over the last several years of several of the adult female elders in my extended clan. As a child I never was interested in participating in rituals with the women folk. I’d rather read or write stories or listen to music off by myself, or play with friends/cousins, or watch sports with the adult men than hang out in the kitchen or wherever the women were. I definitely was not interested in my, my dolls’ or anyone else’s hair.

So now that these women are gone, I feel I have missed a chance to learn stuff from them. And maybe I am trying to reclaim some of the “circle of women” stuff with my girls.

Hmmm… This is getting long so I’m going to stop here. I feel an entire “hair day” post in my near future LOL!

Then, I began to think about what Yvette said. Having never had to do the long and involved hair day with a child, I surely can appreciate the notion of continuing and modifying these women’s rituals. (So they feel a tad less violent to our girl-children…my personal perspective…having been thwapped with a comb many a time for he sake of tidiness - not to mention “beauty.”) From a purely intellectual standpoint, hair and hair days take up a huge physical, emotional and spiritual place in the lives and psyches of Black women.

Which leads me to wonder - in what ways do we unconsciously raise our children differently based upon their gender?

As the mother of a son, in Goldengraham’s scenario I see her sons helping their sister as a tangible method of instilling an understanding of, respect for and ability to nurture Black women. I see a method for them to realize that this is hard work which must be done patiently and lovingly. (Yes, I have found myself saying, ‘I’m not having some woman call me on the phone one day to complain that you can not pick up your underwear.’)

As the mother of a girl child, I could see how this might feel as if I were opening the door to some great woman’s mystery wherein we - as women - connect to, untangle, and sort through organize and connect ourselves to powerful ancestral lines.

Anyway - mornings are beautiful. Oxygen has a wonderful effect on the brain. Peace ya’ll.

Great post! You know I have a thing about hair. Little over a year ago, I began wearing my hair “natural.” In fact, I am twisting my hair as I surf the Net this evening. Hair day for girls–big and little–can be a chore, but it can also be a lovely affirming ritual. That said, I agree with inkonegro, that mothering girls thing looks like hard work! I watch my sister balance her hair and that of my two nieces, ages 6 and almost 2. It’s all I can do to look half-way decent myself.

I imagine hair stuff is even more of a trial for white moms of black children. Since I wrote my post about hair on Antiracist Parent, I have received several e-mails from moms of adoptive black children asking for hair help.